Growing Pains

Ah, the pain of growing pains...we all go through it as we age year to year, from child to teen, parent to grandparent. But what about the spiritual growing pains? The emotional growing pains?

Sometimes I think they can be more painful that the physical manifestations of age.

I watch as a dear friend experiences true heartbreak for the first time, and desperately wish to hold them and "make it all go away," but doing so would remove the lesson to be learned as well. Growth – and change – are seldom easy, and often require fortitude of body, mind and spirit to get to the other side.

It's funny how, as we grow older, our perspective grows as well, and we can look back on times when we acted out and shut ourselves off, only to be faced with another sunrise and another day to move on.

I'm not saying I'm any wiser – far from it really – but I can look more objectively now, and see the situation from a whole new angle. Perhaps it's just knowing from experience that it does get better, that once the growth is achieved – whether mental, physical or spiritual – the body re-centers itself and life continues.

A teacher once told me to never sacrifice body for the sake of the mind; mind for the sake of the soul; and the soul for sake of the body. In other words, keep all sides of your true self in balance and the world will be a happier place for you. I'm beginning to see the wisdom in those words, and perhaps, growing a bit because of them.

Preparing for the Arrival of "Family"

Preparing for the arrival of any family member can usually be a bit of a challenge – at least, it is for us, because we have four dogs, seven cats, a small cabin and a lot of dirt, mud and leaves to be swept, scraped and removed.

But preparing for the arrival of chosen family – those folks who love you no matter what your house looks like – now, that's always a lot easier. Sure, you still straighten up and hide the big messes in a drawer (which typically it takes both of us to get shut again) and doing a light sweeping, you don't have to go quite as crazy as, say, when MOM is coming to visit. That's when the toothbrushes for the floorboards come out and the husband goes into hiding in the woods...with the dogs...

And so it is the former we are preparing for today, cleaning up, straightening up and preparing for the arrival of chosen family who will come and spend a long weekend with us, laughing around the fire, sharing stories and songs, telling tales (most of the times on each other to great comic effect) and basically relaxing and de-stressing from the chaos of our mundane lives.

I have to admit, this is the only time I find myself smiling and humming while do anything resembling housework. The excitement starts to build, knowing not only will there be some days away from the daily grind, but those days will also be filled with loved ones who make the daily grind worthwhile.

The identity of "Me"

Having one of those days where the weather is dreary, work is tiresome and I find myself trying to fit into too many different categories – wife, mother, sister, minister, counselor, editor, friend, confidant, daughter, leader

I feel like each is a merely a piece of who I am, but without all those pieces, who am I really?

If I let go of the sister piece, will I still be me? Or does losing that piece mean I lose myself?

What if I let leader go – will I feel aimless?

This is one of those days when I want to let them all go, disappear into the darkness and emerge as a butterfly from the chrysalis – reborn anew, without worry, responsibility, fear – or pain.

And yet, it is the pain that makes us human, is it not? If we did not learn, we would not grow. If we did not grow we would become stagnant and die...and have to come back and do it all again.

I'm weary, in my heart. And the plaintive patter of the rain outside the door sounds like a dirge to me. What I wouldn't give for a ray of sunshine at my window right about now.