A Pagan Parable

I was sent this wonderful parable from an anonymous reader - and it's fabulous - a tale to be told to all pagan children (and adults) dealing with bullies in the schoolyard or the workplace.

The Little Boy Who Cried Lawsuit
A Pagan Parable
By
Golden Quill

Once upon a time, in the Pagan land of Ar-Kann, there was a little boy named Davy who, along with his faithful hound, Uninformed lassie (Davy called her Uni for short), had dreams of doing great things. Unfortunately, little Davy, was just a little crazy and had an unhealthy fascination with Christianity, Evangelism and Catholicism. None of the Pagans in Ar-Kann were quite sure why. Perhaps, he didn’t have a father to teach him any better; perhaps he was molested by a priest or a minister; or perhaps, like Reverend Jim Jones, he just wasn’t born right. To this day, it’s still a mystery.

Anyway, one day little Davy starts calling himself, Reverend Davy, and proclaims himself the first Pagan Pope of Ar-Kann. He wandered out to the meadow and called all the creatures together. Once all of the Pagan creatures had gathered he started to tell scary stories. There was a horrible monster roaming the land called the Guvmint that would steal away their children; that wolves roamed all around the meadows; that terrible storms were coming -- torrential rains and droughts, then plagues and all the crops would fail, and they would all starve, but he said, because “I am a Messiah”, he could save them all.

Well, naturally, the little Pagan creatures did not want all of these terrible things to befall themselves and their children, so they pleaded with Davy, “What can we do?” Davy raised his little crooked staff in the air, straining to get it past his very fat belly, and told them, “All you have to do is recognize that I am you sacred leader as proclaimed by the ALMIGHTY GOD. Umm,… I mean the gods of course. Give up your free will, your right to think for yourself; become sheep and recognize me as your Divine Shepherd, and umm, let me sleep with you wives from time to time.“

The little Pagan creatures thought these rules a little strange but, not being sure what it all meant, and being frightful of this terrifying world around them (which, they never even knew existed), they agreed. After all, they must think of their children first.

For awhile, all was good within the flock. The Guvmint monster wasn’t seen, wolves didn’t threaten their homes, the landscape and crops weren’t devastated, and even the Jehovah Witnesses stopped coming around. Then…things changed.

Davy’s faithful hound, Uninformed lassie, started biting at their heels, forcing them to run around in circles. And then, Shepherd Reverend Pope Davy, started rapping them on the head with his little crooked stick, calling them names, threatening them, abusing them and mistreating them in many different ways.

Well, the flock became agitated, chaotic, and began whispering among themselves. And, one day a member of the flock, timidly approached Reverend Shepherd Davy and said, “I don’t like the way you’re treating us. You’re very mean and you lie to us and, another thing, I don’t think I’m a sheep. I’m pretty sure I’m a rabbit”. The flock grew quiet. Uninformed lassie started running around in circles, barking and barking and barking. Little Davy’s face turned red from anger. He raised his crooked little stick and said, “YOU ARE EXCOMMUNICATED”. And, then, pointing his crooked little stick at her, called down the greatest curse he knew, and cried, “LAWSUIT, LAWSUIT, LAWSUIT”. All the flock trembled in fear, and the scared little sheep (or rabbit, depending on who you talk to), fled into the wilderness. And, for awhile… the flock was quiet.

Well, months passed and all seemed right with the world, at least from Shepherd Reverend Pope Davy’s position. Amongst the flock though, it was a different matter. Uninformed lassie continued nipping at the heels of the flock, making them run around in circles, and little Davy’s abuses became even worse.

This went on for many, many, months. And, every so often, one of the little Pagan creatures of the flock would timidly approach little Davy and complain about the abuse, the lies that they were told, express doubts that there were monsters all around, or sometimes just because they didn’t want to be a sheep but, wanted to be a hawk, or a butterfly, or a dragon instead. And, every time Uninformed lassie would run around in circles, barking and barking and barking. Little Davy would grow angry, point his crooked little stick, and call down the curse, “LAWSUIT, LAWSUIT, LAWSUIT,” upon the poor creature. The little creature would run off into the wilderness and the flock would stand there quivering in fear. And, once again, for awhile, things would be quiet.

But, one day, something strange happened. One morning Reverend Pope Shepherd Davy awoke, and he with his faithful dog Uninformed lassie, went to round up his flock. When he got to the meadow though, he realized that something had changed with his flock. Many of his little bitty sheep seemed larger, and had grown these huge, curving, dangerous looking horns. Undaunted, Uninformed lassie went to work, biting at their heels and trying to get the flock to run around in circles. But, this time the flock stood still… unmoving. But, then the flock began to move, as one, and the sheep with horns approached little Davy. Uninformed lassie began running around in circles, barking and barking and barking, and little Davy began to scream and yell at them, and rap them on the head with his little crooked stick. Yet, this time the flock didn’t quiver in fear and the little crooked stick had no effect on their big curved horns.

One of these strange looking sheep stared at little Davy and said, “We don’t want you around anymore. You lie to us, you abuse us, you take advantage of us, and you’re untrustworthy”. This so shocked Uninformed lassie, that she stopped barking, and stared in shock at little Davy, her thin little legs shaking, barely keeping her fat belly off the ground. Little Davy stared back at the sheep, and threatened him saying, “I’ll shall call the curse of LAWSUIT, down upon you all, if you do not obey me, and worship me.” The sheep sighed and replied, “You keep saying that but nothing ever happens, no one is cursed and no magickal lawyer ever appears. It’s time for you to go”. Undaunted, little Davy asked the strange looking sheep, “If I leave who will lead you, who will think for you, who will you follow!!” The sheep, glared at him saying, “Rams don’t follow”. Then the rams lowered their heads and moved menacingly toward little Davy and his dog Uninformed lassie. Little Davy and his dog began to shake with fear, and not knowing what else to do, turned and ran and ran and ran deep into the wilderness.

After that, things were better in the Pagan land of Ar-Kan. They learned that if they weren’t forced to run around in circles, they could get many things done. They realized that they didn’t have to be sheep, if they didn’t want to. They could be a hawk, or a butterfly, or a cat. They realized that they didn’t need an all powerful leader to think for them; they could do that for themselves as well. And, as these things happen, some of the little Pagan creatures became leaders, and others became followers, and some chose to lead at times or follow at other times. But, the most important thing that they learned was that they could work together.

Now, of course I’m sure that you are all wondering, what ever happened to little crazy Davy and his faithful dog Uninformed lassie? Well, it turned out that they were right about one thing. There are wolves in the world, hounds from the otherworld, and a horrible monster called Guvmint. And, they fell upon little Davy and his faithful dog Uninformed lassie, and devoured them, bones and all.
But, don’t worry kiddies, that only happens to the bad Pagans.

And, the moral or morals of this story are:

Lawsuit is not a magickal curse that you can smite your enemies with.
You can only frighten people for so long.
Telling a lie repeatedly doesn’t make it truth.
And, though some people are happy being sheep… well, I’d rather run with the
Wolves.


Copyrighted 2008: I freely give permission to anyone to copy or repeat or share this story, I only require that you maintain the work as it was originally written.